Of why restaurants must hate foreigners

So we've decided something among our not-so-frequent trips to restaurants in the area and around the rest of Japan. Restaurants must hate foreigners. I'm not saying this in a mean sort of way but in a completely understandable sort of way.

It begins with just walking in.
Shopkeeper: "Irasshaimase! (Welcome to our store!)"
And then they see you and pause. "Oh crap," they must be thinking. "Will they speak Japanese? What will we do if they don't speak Japanese?"
So they ask you a little slowly, "Nanmeisama desu ka? (How many people?)"
"Futari desu. (Two.)"
The relief on their faces! They've navigated the first hurdle and they now lead you to your table...
But when they get there, they stop. Oh no. What will happen now? They're stuck at a quandary. To offer the English menu or to just give a Japanese menu. They decide it's better to offer the English menu. You turn it down, saying that Japanese is just fine, and if anything, their face becomes a mixture of relief and confusion. Who is this strange foreigner who prefers a Japanese menu when they no doubt speak English? (It is believed by most Japanese that if you are foreign you must speak English by the way...)

As soon as the menu is set in front of you, your waiter whips out his trusty pad and waits for your order. In some sort of odd skill that I haven't seem to find out how they do it yet, inevitably, every Japanese person can order within the span of about three seconds. But you know, those pesky foreigners, we like to spend a good five minutes to look at the menu, and discuss with our companions what we should order. Meanwhile, your waiter looks like he's about to pee himself as he shifts from foot to foot in anticipation.

Finally, you order your meal, and while you're waiting, another foreigner walks in and gives you what we have affectionately come to call the "gaijin nod." The gaijin nod is a mysterious thing. It's your acknowledgement of the other person who is not Japanese in a sort of "hey, we'll band here together brother" but you also realize that you are in no way related and do not have permission to talk to that person. Inevitably though, they'll strike up some conversation with you about where you've been, and if you have any suggestions on the rest of the city. This act of striking up a conversation with a stranger who is not at your table further confuses the staff.

Your meal arrives and the real fun begins. If this restaurant never or rarely sees foreigners, they cannot help but stare in an odd sort of fascination. "Will they know how to eat it?" and "Will they be able to use chopsticks?" seem to be the most prevalent questions here. The answer to both question is normally yes of course, and if not, you'll try your best in order to avoid embarrassment.

In another amazing feat of skill, the Japanese can manage to eat their food quickly. Though this is probably due to relatively a lack of talking and just focusing on food. But you know, we like to linger on our food outside of Japan. So we take half an hour to eat what most Japanese would be done with in 10 or 15 minutes. We also like to drink more than one cup of tea while we're eating. Asking for that extra cup is sometimes painful and exceptionally difficult to receive, but we do it with such frequency that the serving staff doesn't seem to know what to do. Add on the extra half hour that we spend talking to each other when our meal is finished, and it's no wonder restaurants begin to feel ambivalent to foreigners...

Michelle