Of Rice Buying

I walked into the rice aisle again today. For anyone that's been keeping in touch with me, you know that's something of an achievement. The rice aisle is intimidating. In fact, it's the most intimidating aisle for me. I can go in the other aisles and be perfectly comfortable with the fact that I can't read anything, but the rice aisle, oh no. Here comes trouble. Last time I walked into the rice aisle, I stopped, physically stopped, caught my breath, the whole shi-bang. There were bags and bags and bags of rice. And I can't read any of them. Awesome. So I took my little 外国人(gaikokujin, foreigner) self through the aisle, grabbed one at random and fled from the aisle like a gazelle fleeing from a pack of lions. When I got home, I learned I'd bought the wrong kind. How embarrassing!

But this time, this time I steeled myself and walked into the aisle for the second time. My thoughts went something like this:

"Alright Michelle, you can do it. Just walk up, read the kanji and grab one....Crap, I can't read the kanji. What on earth is this? It's rice. Well, how about that one. Nope, can't read that one either. Well, that's rice too. What about this one? No, wrong kind. I can read that one. That one's for mochi. And the fourth one says Hokkaido, but that's just a brand....Shit."

To me walking into the rice aisle is kind of like when you send a guy into the women's sanitary supplies aisle. He's like, "No talking! No talking! I don't belong in this aisle! Where are they? Where are the things she told me to buy? Are those tampons? Pads? Elderly incontinence diapers?! God! My eyes! My eyes!" And then, scarred for life and eyes bleeding, he grabs the first thing he sees and runs out of the aisle, mistakenly buying "supers" or some other such nonsense.

That, my friends, is the fear that the rice aisle evokes in every foreigner. You have all these kinds of rice in front of you, and they look exactly the same. Luckily, it seems though that this time I picked the right kind.

And now, with regard to rice and an embarrassing sort of translation. While in said rice aisle, I saw a package labeled 無洗米 (musenmai). The last two characters I definitely knew. They mean "wash" and "rice" respectively. The first one I technically know but I forgot it's meaning. I only recognized it from the word 無理 (muri), meaning "impossible." So here I am in front of this bag of rice and I've just translated it as "Impossible to Wash Rice." And I'm thinking "What the heck? Who would put that on a package? That's horrible marketing!" I can see it now, "Come one, come all, come buy the rice that you'll never be able to get clean!" Yeah...fail. For the record, that kanji alone has the meaning of "not," so the meaning is actually "Not necessary to wash rice" or "Rice that's already been washed." So yeah, cool beans. At least I remember the kanji now.

And now it's already hit midnight and I promised myself I'd be in bed by 12:30, so I've gotta' run! Night all!

Michelle